3am

I’m awake at 3am. Again. Seems to be a pattern lately that I’m not too fond of.
I told my team yesterday. That was almost as difficult as telling my family. Maybe it’s because they’re my second family.

Take 2

Been having pain in my left hip. Thought I’d cracked a rib and pulled a muscle in my left shoulder. At what was supposed to be my last oncology appointment, I was telling him about it and he sent me for a bone scan which I had on the 9th.
Saw my GP today (or was that yesterday? It’s 3:00am now) and the results were in part”…In view of the patient’s history and the multiplicity of the findings, the bone scan findings are compatible with metastatic disease involving the pelvis, lumbar spine and right scapula. The rib finding might represent metastasis or site of fracture(I had xrays of my rib and no fracture showed up). Given the absence of previous documentation of bone metastases, a confirmatory test may be helpful at sites of uptake for further evaluation…” I have a CT scan at 8:45am today. My GP says my breast cancer has metastasized.
I’m glad my sister was with me. She doesn’t realize it but she gives me strength. The hardest part was telling my mom.
Now that I know what is causing my hip pain I’m a little horrified. And terrified.