I can’t seem to go more than a couple of days feeling as close to normal as I can. Something always happens that throws it all back in my face. Yesterday it was diarrhea again. The stomach cramping kind. The kind I’ve had 3 times since starting these meds. The kind I can count on one hand that I’ve had in the past 20 years.
I count my pills to make sure I’m not taking too many or forgetting to take any.
I talk to a customer who tells me her boss died of cancer last week and I have to pretend that’s the worst thing in the world to me. I can’t tell her I’ve been given my own death sentence.
Co-workers ask how I’m doing and I’m always doing “fine”.
Truth be told, I’m always scared, I’m not fine.

Had my monthly oncology appointment today. By appearances the Ibrance-Letrozole combo is doing what it’s supposed to. My tumour markers are down a little from last time and my white blood count is a little higher. If it’s working, then the cancer growth is slowing down. They are going to book me for a CT scan which will give us a better idea “and go from there” he says. Typical me, I’m not excited about all this, I’m guarded. I’ll wait another month and see what the bigger picture looks like.