Early this morning my mom died. It was quick, she was admitted to the hospital Sunday morning. Yesterday my sister and I made the decision to ease her pain and let her go. Lots of friends and family had the time to say goodbye to her. In the middle of the night, mom passed away with my sister and I by her side.

Mom was one of my heroes who often shared her thoughts, strengths and most of all love with me. She was always in my corner and always, always just there.

I am so very glad that I moved back home this summer and had the time to spend with her making new memories and just being together.

I love you mom, and will forever miss you.

Talked to my radiology oncologist today. She was calling at the request of my oncologist(who I will be talking to on Friday). There’s progression on my left acetabulum(lower pelvis) with a small fracture and also in my lower spine. She offered up more radiation and/or cementing the fracture. After a discussion about not being sure if I can handle another dose of radiation and because I’m not in any pain, we both decided to just hold off on it all and see what happens. She’s also going to check and see if a nerve was involved in the radiation and could be the cause of my foot swelling.

This all just sucks. It means the Capesidebine isn’t working or isn’t working enough. I’m kinda lost right now. I mean, I expect all of this to happen but expecting it and actually living it are 2 different things. I’m going to have to be more careful with lifting, pulling etc so the fracture doesn’t grow and I don’t make new ones.

Each changing stage of this “living while dying” seems to need a new mindset. Until I talk to my oncologist I’ll just try to live with the idea of a new fracture.

Monday was bloodwork, Tuesday was bone scan, today was CT day. All the injections went ok.

The bloodwork was…odd. The lab tech came in admitting to not feeling well, tired cause she worked 15 hours the day before but thought she’d come to the lab to help because they were short handed, getting over a sinus infection. I ended up encouraging her. Just…odd.

My left foot has swollen up again like it did before when I walked too much. Visiting mom in the hospital over the weekend was too much I guess. The bone scan people took an extra scan of my foot from the side and said “no immediate concern” which doesn’t tell me much. I can’t read any of the results yet, they aren’t available until after the 24rd.

My anxiety is pretty high with all of this and mom and waiting for results. I got a call today for a phone appointment with my radiology oncologist. Have no idea why. According to the booking nurse, my oncologist was talking to her and requested it I guess.

Hurry up and wait….

I finally had my cataract surgery yesterday and the difference of before and after is unbelievable. I went from “no reading, can only see fingers” to 20/20 vision. They’ll do my other eye in a few weeks. Right now I just wear contacts in it.

Having my vision back is a bigger deal than I thought it would be I can now see the ocean waves and all the sea birds out my window clearly and it’s all even more amazing than it was when my vision sucked.

My freedom is back, I can drive again after 4 months of not being able to see enough and it’s just in time for bone scan, CT scan, bloodwork(s), oncology appointments and mom going in for knee surgery all in the next week and a half.