Was at the hospital pharmacy picking up my next round of poison when the cancer clinic called. More bloodwork needed. Today preferably. So off I go to the lab. This time it hurt bad. My veins are shot and I’d just done this Monday. They’re short of butterfly needles so she had to use a regular one. I have a nice bruise now.

Was able to get a physio appointment today so as soon as the vampire was done I go there. Most of the words out of his mouth were all around “pain management “. There’s a tendon that runs from the upper thigh to the ribs that’s screwed up. Because it’s close to the pelvic tumours and chemo, we have to be careful that more damage isn’t done. Thus, pain management instead of “fix”. He’s given me some stretches to do and a list of not to do’s. No walking any distance without my cane, no running,jumping or heavy lifting. Etc. Be careful with the self massage and don’t do it everyday….

Some days this can all be just to much to deal with….

Had my phone call with my GPO today. Apparently the recommendation is to stop Capecitabine after 8 cycles. She was planning to stop me now because I’ve had 8, she was set to cut me off today. After much discussion, we’ve decided to keep me on it for now. The note from my oncologist in November says we’ll revisit this at my next set of scans which are in March. We’ll take it cycle by cycle.

She is always impressed with my knowledge ( I think it’s common sense) around my side effects and how I can manage them. How I can read my body and know what’s going on. She’s used to people not understanding that the chemo is poisoning us as the cancer is killing us. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.

I’m a little bit terrified because I don’t know what’s next. If there is anything next. She sidestepped my question about it because my oncologist didn’t mention anything about it. Gonna need to put it at the back of my mind right now and just be, day to day. Too much to deal with right now so close to mom dying

I’ve promised my sister I’d be here for at least 2 more years. Considering the survival rate at 5 years is 22% and I’m at 5 years this November, I’m hoping I can make it, taking into consideration that the drugs I’ve been on so far have slowed the progression of the cancer, 2 more years should be doable.

Had about a dozen X-rays done today then saw the orthopedist. He was mom’s dr too and the first thing he said was how sorry he was about mom then commented that my family needed a break (from all the trauma my family has been through lately).

Good news is he doesn’t see a fracture in my pelvis but it is riddled with mets in the lower region, near my hip bone. Surgery, he said, is great for the surgeons, they like doing it but not so for the patient as it’s extremely painful. They drill a number of holes in that area for screws and attach a mesh to the screws to hold the pieces of bone together. (ewww!). He isn’t recommending it at this time.

He says radiation may help again. He thinks (after poking and prodding and twisting and bending etc) that a good majority of the pain is from a tendon in that area that has shrunk and thinks physio would help. He has given me a note to give to a physiotherapist.

Soooo glad I don’t have a fracture. I still have to be careful but I won’t be making a fracture worse which was my major fear.

I have my appointment with the orthopaedic surgeon on Tuesday. I have to go in early to have X-rays done. According to the person I talked to, the X-rays the dr is requesting are different from what she’s used to seeing. Not sure what that means for me, but we’ll see.

My sister and her family will be here Sunday for a few days and she says they’ll move me out of the beach house then. It’s messing me up knowing I won’t be able to help out much with my hip hurting. It’s a lot of work and I’d much rather help than supervise.

My hip started hurting again about 3 days ago. I had a phone appointment with my GPO today and she’s referring me to an orthopaedic surgeon. Because it’s the area that I’ve always had issues and pain with that also has a fracture, she wants him to take a look at it. My radiology oncologist had mentioned cementing it. The pain level is about a 3 or 4 and hasn’t changed so I’m hoping it’ll get better on it’s own.

I really don’t need this right now. My sister and I are still trying to get mom’s “estate” in order and keep running into roadblocks at each turn. Hard to keep my mind clear to deal with the pain and that too especially when I’m still struggling with mom not being here anymore.