One year ago today was one of the worst days of my life. One year ago today my sister and I were hit with the hard fact that my mom was not going to live through the night.

Many people, friends and family, visited mom. All were as shocked as we were how quickly she went downhill.

Today, even though I’ve tried not to, I remember that day vividly and have been reliving it. it hurts as much today as it did one year ago.

One year ago and 7 hours from now (2:30am) mom left us. I so wanted her to be around longer but I’m thankful for the time I had with her.

The memories I have of mom every day are sometimes hard to relive, and sometimes make me laugh but always remind me of how much I was loved.

Had my first injection of Fulvestrant today. It wasn’t too bad. One shot in each butt cheek. The side with the cancer didn’t/doesn’t hurt. The other side is burning, but tolerable. I’ll give it a couple of days to see what side effects I’ll get. I go again in 2 weeks for another does.

This is rather an expensive experiment. I’m one of the lucky ones in that my insurance covers it.

My last appointment with my GPO was 2 days ago. Going forward, I’ll be under the care of my oncologist in Victoria and my GP because he will be the one giving me the Fulvestrant injections. Because of this, I won’t be going to appointments at the cancer clinic again until this treatment fails and if I decide to do IV chemo.

The way it was explained to me, this drug isn’t administered by the BC Cancer agency and the side effects are minimal (haha!) so there’s no need for monitoring from a GPO. Oddly, I have to pick up the drug from my pharmacy and take it to my GP for injection.

She was able to show me my bone scan rather than just reading the report. I wanted to know what part of my foot the tumours are in. The report just says “the left foot “. Turns out it’s most of it from my ankle to my toes ☹️. Serves me right for breaking that ankle. It’s also in a couple of new areas in my pelvis.

We also discussed my longevity or lack there of. She was unable to find any charts or documents to give me an educated guess (not part of her area, that’s a question for the oncologist) but tends to agree with my guess of about 2 years. I’m running out of bones for the cancer to attack. I have an aggressive cancer that does respond to treatment but when it quits responding it takes off like gangbusters. IV chemo would be my last option of slowing the cancer down.

Time to find my new normal.

Got the Covid booster and the flu shot at the same time 2 days ago. That night I had a fever. Real bad. I turned down the heat in my place because I couldn’t stand it. Could feel my body vibrating from the fever. Had a really restless night and about 3 am the fever broke. I was so exhausted yesterday from it. Last night I had one of the best sleeps I’ve had in a very long time.

Also yesterday I called the company supplying the Fulvestrant/Faslodex(why do drugs have so many names?). They did a 3 way call with my insurance and I’m covered at 100%! And there’s no dollar limit. The good news made me cry.

Called my oncologist and left a message that I’m covered so it’s now his turn. He’ll need to supply the prescription and set up the appointments for the injections.

Keeping my fingers crossed that this will hold off my tumour growth for a while.

Talked to my oncologist today. The bone scan shows uptake in all my tumours. Moderate uptake in my hip/pelvis area bones. This could be the cause of some of my hip pain. And some new ones. Degenerative uptake in my left foot. My left ankle was the one I broke. Figures the cancer would sneak in there and take over.

Capecitabine is no longer working but I knew that. He says I can stop taking it because it isn’t working anymore.

He’s given me 2 choices. IV chemo. Which, he says is hard on the heart. I’d be given it once a week. Or Fulvestrant. 2 shots the first month, 1 each month there after. Mainly to hold off doing IV chemo for a bit. No idea for how long, and didn’t ask. Only catch to this one is it’s not covered by the cancer agency. We’ll see if my insurance will cover it. Could be expensive.

Even though I know the progression, and play out all possible scenarios in my head, it still really sucks when it becomes real. And it’s scarier than I could ever imagine. it’ll take me a few days to get used to this “new normal”.