For the past week or so the pain in my neck has increased to the point of occasionally having a blinding pain that shoots up the side of my neck to the top of my skull. Mostly it’s a sharp pain in the side of my neck. If I move wrong, it gets worse so I have to stay still for a minute or two for it to go away. The rest of the time the pain sits at about a 4 or 5, increasing to a 6 or 7 when I move wrong. I’ve increased my dose of Gabapentin and increased my pain meds but that’s not helping much. The pain is taking away my want for food so I’m forcing myself to eat something for a snack and dinner. Making dinner can increase the pain and is exhausting.

My palliative dr was here yesterday. She suggested Methadone. My neighbour (who was here too) and I had never heard of it being used for anything else besides drug addiction. Apparently it’s also used for pain relief.

I was supposed to be on pills but they’re on back order so I’m on the liquid. Because my dose is really tiny (0.01mg) one of the palliative nurses will be here every week to load the syringes for me to take orally. It’s supposed to be taken every 8 hours but it’ll be more like 7 or a 7 1/2.

I started taking it yesterday and am already feeling really drowsy from it. It’s supposed to take about 5 days to start working. I am really hoping it works. Not sure how long I can deal with this pain.

I haven’t written in a while. Seems all I write about is pain but then that’s what my life is about now.

A few days after the flare ups quit I cracked a rib. It’s in the middle of my back and after talking to my radiology oncologist, it’s an area where I have tumours. He also reminded me that it could take 6 to 8 weeks to heal. He wanted to know why I didn’t go to emergency. It would be a 4 hour wait, then another wait for the X-rays just for them to tell me there’s nothing they can do and my breathing is fine so no punctured lung. Not going to spend a painful day for that. He agreed.

I was just starting to get used to the pain from that and was pulling back off the pain meds and walking a few steps but it didn’t last. A week ago I pulled/bruised something in/by my front lower left ribs. Throw in the occasional neck and shoulder (not new pains, just low grade and not worth mentioning most of the time) and I’m back on pain meds 2 or 3 times a day.

Seems I just get close to being over one hurt and another happens. I’m tired of all the pain and really just want a break from it all. I really need a break from it all.