Before I had radiation, along with the severe pain in my hip, my foot would tingle, feeling like your hand or arm or foot does when it’s “asleep” and waking up.  Along with the tingles, my foot would swell.  Sometimes so bad it was hard to take my runner off.  It was always just one foot, the one on the same side as the cancer.  It only seemed to happen when I was on it too much, like Monday to Friday at work.  By Sunday night my foot would be back to it’s normal size and the tingles would be gone because I wasn’t using it as much.   Back to tingles and swelling by Monday night.  It was really annoying because I always want to shake it to get the tingles out, especially at night when I was trying to sleep.  The dr and oncologist never said much about it.  My guess is part of my pelvic tumor is pinching a nerve.

After I had radiation the tingles and the swelling stopped along with the hip pain.  I guess it’s pelvis pain and not hip, but I’ve been calling it “hip” for forever.  There was never any guarantee as to how long the radiation would work.  It was for pain management and not for shrinking the tumors.

The  tingles are starting to come back, especially if I’m on my feet too much.  Every time it starts, I’m checking my foot to see if it’s swollen but so far it isn’t.  I’m hoping this isn’t the start of the radiation wearing off.  I’m not ready for it to progress back to the pelvis pain.  I’m not ready for any progression yet.  I’ve gotten used to being in limbo.

…ohhhh the needles!

Went in for my CT scan and warned him-they only had one tech on today, usually they have 2- that I’m a wimp when it comes to needles AND they’re difficult to get in me.  I tell myself every time that I get this done that it’ll all be fine.  Rarely is it fine.

He tried twice to get the catheter in for the contrast dye and it wouldn’t work.  The needle would go in but not the catheter.  He called one of the nurses in from the ER because “they’re really good at the difficult ones”.  She tried it once and no go.  She says I have petite” veins that zigzag.  He says I have thick skin.  “Not lizard skin, just thick” he says, like the needles aren’t sharp enough to go through it. None of this is good when they have to put something in my vein that looks bigger than the vein it’s going into. Them trying to get the catheter in is incredibly painful, wiggling the little tube thingy around in your vein.  Finally he asked the radiologist if we could do the scan without the dye.  Won’t see any cancer in my organs but bone mets will show.  Fine by me.  I can wait to find out if it’s in my organs, I was more concerned with my shoulder anyway.  We did the scan without the dye.  This time.

So far 1 in 5 times has gone like clockwork.  I’m getting to the point where getting a CT scan is starting to cause me higher than normal anxiety.   Hopefully my next scan is at least 3 months away.

I’ve been waiting for approval from my insurance to get a lower partial denture.  My teeth are in rough shape.  One of the front ones has been loose for months.  I finally checked with them because I haven’t heard anything and they’ve approved the procedures but in the meantime, my tooth had gotten worse.

2 nights ago it was really sore, about a 7 out of 10 on my pain scale. Took a painkiller yesterday because I couldn’t stand the pain anymore.  I called the dentist and got in this morning.  Aesthetics be damned, I had it pulled.  I really don’t get out much and should be getting my new teeth in the next couple of months anyhow.  Now I wait to heal and hopefully there won’t be any complications.  Then I can finally eat something that doesn’t have to be cut into bite sized pieces.  I’ll be able to eat a hamburger or a sandwich.  I’ll be able to eat like a big girl.

My anxiety level when I go to the dentist has always been high.  Today it was sky-high and I was visibly shaking.  I get so freaked out from the needles and the pressure they cause when they’re filling or pulling or drilling and did I say the needles?  It seems worse now that I have MBC because I have to tell them and it’s a discussion and they get it.  They just get it which makes me feel really vulnerable and sad.  I get to meet with a specialist and hopefully he’ll put me in the hospital to pull my teeth.  I hate freaking out.

 

My shoulder is still sore.  Not nearly as bad as it was, but it’s still annoying me.  I have a CT scan scheduled for the 17th.  Yup, it’s a Sunday.  Who knew they did these on the weekend?  The hope is no progression.  The fear is progression.  I won’t find out the results until the middle of March.

My hair is thinning.  Oh, not so you would really notice, but for months I’ve been shedding more than “normal”.  I brush my hair before I wash it but a whole lot still falls out.  My hands get covered in it when I wring my hair out.  It’s about as bad as pet hair.

I can only sit, recline, stand for short periods of time then I have to switch it up.  I am really uncomfortable after going shopping or to my appointments.  Sometimes if I’m not paying attention to how much walking I’m doing, my hip will send me a sharp jab to remind me the bone mets are still there.  These kinds of days cause a whole lot of dull aching for hours.  Some people might call it pain, but my pain tolerance is pretty high so for me I rank it as dull aching. A 5 on a scale of 1 to 10.  Doing stuff 2 days in a row is exhausting.

Usually by about 1pm my energy is sapped and my body aches and I need a nap.  If I don’t have a nap my energy level for the rest of the day/night is just not there.  I try to stay up until at least 10pm now.  I am still waking up early.  I’ve always been a lousy sleeper but some nights I’m waking up every hour.  Some nights I’m wide awake at 3 or 4 am, get up and putter around and try to go back to sleep.

Food just doesn’t interest me anymore.  Oh I eat.  At least dinner because I need a full meal to take the drugs I’m on, but rarely now do I eat something and thoroughly enjoy it like I used to.  I miss that.  I can’t seem to make food taste better than average. Even the Take-Out I get is just average.

Being tired all. the. time. is the worst.  Things don’t get done for days like laundry or dishes because I just don’t have the energy.  Used to be I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to.  At least now I have an excuse :).  Being tired all the time messes with your concentration.  I crochet.  It relaxes me and keeps me occupied and have a couple of projects going at all times.  One that needs my full attention and one that is mindless. I can tell after a row if I’m going to be able to do the full attention one.  Driving can be a real chore when you can’t concentrate.

It would be nice if all these little things took turns each day but they like to all play together.  I guess they’re less lonely that way.