I was diagnosed with MBC 3 years ago. At that time, I was pretty depressed about the statistics regarding life expectancy. Those stats haven’t changed really. Only about 22% make it to 5 years. New drugs like the one I’m on add to that a little. In the case of Ibrance, it’s about 20 months on average. My biggest nag with this is still wondering how long I have.

So much has changed for me. Mentally and physically. As much as I’d like to pin it on good old aging, I know for the most part, it’s the cancer and the drugs I’ve been feeding my body. I sometimes wonder who I would be if I didn’t have MBC.

I’m still learning to be kind to myself. I try to rest when I need to (often) and constantly remind myself that my limitations because of the cancer are not my fault. I also know that my energy dies off about 1pm so I try to get everything done before then.

The pandemic has put a twist into everything. Instead of hiding my cancer, I’m more vocal about it. I don’t want people near me. I’ve never been a huge “people person” so this aspect of it has been relatively easy for me but it ramped up my anxiety. I’m taking Zoloft and it seems to be helping. I don’t feel like I’m balancing on the edge of a cliff and my mind is calmer. The pandemic does make me feel a little robbed of time.

Wonder what the chances are that I’ll be here for another 3 years?

I got the flu shot this morning. Because I’m immune compromised, I get the “not live” shot. I called it “dead” because the other one is “live” and shocked the pharmacist. Isn’t the opposite of live, dead?

Hopefully if I get flu like symptoms they won’t be too bad. I really hate being sick and just the thought of being sick makes me want to cry.

I changed my breakfast from toast to cereal and milk and am able to take the Zoloft now without getting nauseous. I wonder how long it will take to work and will I know it’s working?

My back still hurts but it’s getting better. I still have to be careful with what I do but it should heal.

I am so tired of being sick or hurt.