waiting

So I’m waiting to hear from my oncologist. This is one of the difficult things about knowing I have cancer is the waiting.
My GP gave me oxycodone for the pain but I haven’t taken it yet. Stupid I know but I’m afraid of it so I’ve been hording the Tramadol I do have. Even stupider because it’s making me suffer more.
I would give almost anything to have one week where it doesn’t hurt to move or sleep or do what 6 months ago I would thought of as normal everyday functions.