For the past week or so I’ve been living in my head. Tomorrow I go for blood work and the day after is my oncology appointment.

I don’t think I’ve been this anxious since I first found out I have MBC. I have no idea what’s in store for me, don’t know if I have the gene I was tested for. If I don’t have it, I don’t know what my options are.

I do know I’m in for new side effects and new drug routines. New fears. Add to the mix is the increase in COVID cases in my area. I’m not even sure how or when I’ll get the vaccine. That’s a discussion with my oncologist.

I’ve always lived on my own but have had support close by. Now I’m really on my own and it just increases the anxiety. Sometimes I just want it all to be over and done with. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming that I struggle to get to tomorrow without losing my mind today.