So I still have some things around that remind me of what I went through.  Don’t get me wrong here, I’m a pack-rat of sorts and tend to hang on to things a lot longer than needed but this stuff would be so easy to toss out and toss the memories them.  I’ve gotten rid of most of the reminders like the drugs I had to take.  Took those to the pharmacy the other week so they could dispose of them.  I’ve put away all the extra bandaging I had.  I only need to see it if I get a really bad cut or have more surgery(not planning on it!).
On my bathtub is a bottle with the remainder of the special soap I needed to use for my last surgery.  It’s a very small bottle, but I see it every time I step into the tub.  I’ve kept 2 of the hospital bands I wore while I was in the hospital.    They’re on my night stand.  I see them every night when I go to bed.  I don’t see them in the morning because it’s too dark  in my bedroom.   It’s not like I need any reminders.  I am reminded every time I look in the mirror at my short hair, every morning when I take my Tamoxifen, every time I walk up a set of stairs and my knees still want to give out, every time I get dressed.
For the most part I think I’ve been really good about ‘getting over it’.  I try not to talk about what happened unless I’m asked.  I can look normal now that my hair is longer and people think it’s just the style I chose.  I have my foobs that make me look like I have a bust.  And the days I get scared that the cancer will come back or really depressed because my life changed a lot more than I anticipated, I wait till I get home to have a good cry.
Take yesterday for example.  I went Christmas shopping and happened past one of my favorite underthings stores.  They were having a sale so I went in and made some purchases.  At the till she was pushing for me to buy a bra.  I said no thank you  twice.  The third time she pushed I gave up and told her I’d had a double mastectomy, no point in buying one of the pretty bras when I can’t wear them anymore.  She was really apologetic after that and gave me a discount that I should have spend more money to get.  I just wanted to have a ‘normal’ day.
I remember mentioning I’d read somewhere that the time it takes to get over this is the same as the time it takes to go through it.  I had one month of knowing it was cancer then 8 months of surgeries and treatment.  The end of this month will be 8 months, the end of December will be the extra one.  Way I see it, I should be absolutely fine by the time 2013 rolls around.  I’ll throw the reminders out for the new year.