I just took the last Ibrance of my second bottle. Now I have 7 days of just the Letrozole. Hopefully this time my white blood cells work their way back up in their numbers. Not sure what the plan will be if they don’t.
I had my 6 week radiation check up last week. I won’t be going back there unless more radiation will work and is needed.
I work every day at trying to feel normal and trying to act like I don’t have METS because after all, I don’t look like I have terminal cancer and I’d like to not think about it all the time but trying isn’t working. It’s almost like PTSD every time I have to go to Abbotsford or have blood work done or see my oncologist. I have to force myself to every visit because I hate it being front and center of my life. If I don’t go to these appointments then it isn’t happening. But I go and it upsets me for a day or 2 before and after. The buzz words are always “prolong your life” and “quality of life” and such and I know when it comes down to it, those buzz words can only be interpreted by me.
I do know that I would like to spend a couple of years pretending I’m just retired and not fighting a terminal disease but I don’t even know when to start doing that. I know I need to find someone to talk to but I start looking for a group or something and get side-tracked with reports and stats and personal stories and get upset at what I find so I stop.
I wonder if I will ever figure this whole thing out and only be upset sometimes instead of most of the time.