Today is National Metastatic Breast Cancer Day and to celebrate it, I’ve been reading up on metastatic breast cancer.  I should say MORE reading up on it.  I guess I keep hoping that somewhere I’ll come across that obscure miracle cure that not too many people know about.  The statistics suck.  2 to 3 years from diagnosis to death is the median and that may be extended with treatment, 5 years if I’m lucky.  As with all statistics, it can be longer and it can be shorter.  For me, I’m going with the median.  It will be awesome if I happen to live longer.

Common themes in articles I’ve read today:

• There is no cure, but there is treatment.  Treatment is meant to prolong our lives. If we are lucky it will slow the progression of MBC and mute the physical pain we feel from it.  Treatment won’t make it go away.
• I will die with MBC.  I will die because of MBC.   Unless I get into a bad car accident, have a heart attack, etc.  which is kindly repeatedly pointed out to me.  I hope(yes-hope!) no one else I know has to wake up every morning wondering if today is the day mBC takes over their body and they can’t function anymore.  I hope no one else has to wonder if the plans they make for next year will really happen.  I hope no one else has to wonder when, not if, their bones will fracture.  I hope no one else has to go through the excruciating pain I’ve had and will have again.
• Few want to speak about mBC. I get that.  It’s hard to talk to someone you know is terminal, but for me, I’ve come to terms with it.  What ever time I have left, I have left.  Ask questions, offer help.  Just be there.  Don’t hide because you don’t know how to act or what to do.  Sometimes sitting quietly is all that is needed to chase the fears away for another day.  I need to talk about it, with friends, with family.  I need them to know that I’m ok and that mBC isn’t contageous  🙂
• You look so good! I love this one.  I may look healthy and normal till the day I die.  I’m glad I look good.  I’m glad the cancer is internal.  Sometimes I wish it showed on the outside, but really, I’m glad it doesn’t.  Take my word for it.  I’m terminal with side effects from the medication but I can hide those for a short time.  I’m glad I look good.

Mom and I had a couple of conversations about it while I was visiting her.  One of them was that they may come up with a cure for me and I shouldn’t give up.  I haven’t given up but if they have found something it won’t help me in the time I have left after clinical trials and everything else that goes into allowing a drug or protocol to be approved.  I’ve accepted my situation which is the best thing for me.  Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that I have this and I really wish I could blame it on something or someone but I can’t.  Until they know what causes it, there won’t be a cure.

The last couple of days I’ve tried to find other MBCers who have online journals that I could follow but so far I’ve found far more of people who have passed away from mBC than people who are still alive.  That’s sad. Really sad.