I didn’t get my numbers from my oncologist today. My scan is still not showing significant change and he’s not changing my drugs so I’m going to assume the numbers are ok. He says my next appointment is in January but 12 weeks is the end of December so I’m sure it’ll be a back and forth with his receptionist when she calls to book it.

I told him about the pain being back and he didn’t seem surprised. He has told me to be careful walking and lifting heavy things. My bones aren’t strong enough especially since they were radiated. If the pain returns and doesn’t go away I’m to call him.

I’m starting to have a love/hate relationship with these appointments. On the one hand I love that I’m still having them. That means I’m still here. On the other hand, I know I’m riding a fine line between good and not good so I hate waiting for the hammer to drop. These appointments always dictate my next few months of life and after almost 3 years, I’m starting to hate them too.