I’m having more good days than bad days lately. The bad days like today, I find it really hard to hold my composure. It seems to start as soon as I wake up the final time in the morning. I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person looking back at me. I can’t seem to get used to this short hair. Sure, it’s coming in nice and thick and wavy and a major colour difference from what it was. Eventually I’m sure I’ll love it. Right now, today, I hate it. But I don’t want to go back to my wig. So I just hold my head up, and try and pretend my hair is long and try and forget every time I look in the mirror how I lost my hair in the first place.
My shoulder is getting better. It’s an incredibly slow process and you’d think I’d be used to chronic pain by now but I’m not. And it hurts most of the time. Sometimes worse than others. But It will get better too.
I haven’t been able to lose all the weight I gained. Yup, it’s really my fault because I don’t want to go on a diet. I was ‘good tasting food’ deprived for too many days to put myself through that right now. And apparently I look just fine the way I am with the extra 20 lbs anyway.
So I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and saw this boobless, hairless, over-weight person staring back at me that wasn’t me. And for a minute my skin crawled. And I went on with my day trying to ignore this out of body feeling. I know it’ll be better, if not tomorrow then the next day but boy, days like today really suck.