Last night I noticed some of my nails are pulling away from the nail beds. I went to radiation early hoping to see a chemo nurse. Nail loss can be a side effect of the chemo I was on. The receptionist at radiation is new, didn’t know who to contact and send me to the 3rd floor, the chemo floor who sent me to the 2nd floor, the cancer clinic, who told me to come back after radiation.
I was upset at radiation, told them what was going on, one of them dried my tears for me cause I was in position for rads and couldn’t move my arms. The other one was telling me I’m too hard on myself, I shouldn’t push myself as much as I do. They are just the nicest people. When I was done I told them I didn’t want to be like other cancer patients, I didn’t want to be as emotional as I am, I didn’t want everything to effect me as much as it does. They told me not to worry, I’m nothing like the other cancer patients they see.
Back to the 2nd floor and into a cancer triage nurse. She said it was too far past chemo for whats happening to my nails to be a side effect. Because my fingers aren’t cracked, and they were pink, it wasn’t the drugs causing it, but could be caused by an accumulation of everything as well as them being acrylic. The chemo people I had were never concerned with them being acrylic, they just wanted them clear so they could keep an eye on them for nerve damage. I’ve never heard of anyone’s nails lifting off the beds from acrylic nails. I asked her what I should do. She suggested I get them taken off until I told her they use acetone for that. She said then to keep them, but keep an eye on them, keep them clean. Then she said she couldn’t be empathetic, but could be sympathetic. I told her I didn’t want her sympathy.
Am I depressed, sad, defeated? Totally. My nails were the only thing I had left that made me feel even a little feminine. Will I get over it? Of course. There’s nothing left for the cancer treatments to take away. Nothing left for me to ‘get over’.