So I’m laying on the radiation table waiting for the loud beeping type noise that happens with it so I can count my way through the treatment session. I count lots of times to keep calm. A little OCD maybe but it works. I hear the first short beep and it’s usually followed by a long one. But I hear nothing after the short one. And I’m waiting. The tech comes in the room and says they’ve got a message on the screen (I can’t remember what it was) and they have to get a mechanic (her word) down to enter the passwords to fix it. The techs aren’t allowed the passwords. The computer program they use had locked up and had to be restarted. I laughed.

The meeting with the Dr is always a little unsettling, or is that annoying? I know by the way the techs talk that my radiated site isn’t any where near as bad as was expected. Still no blistering. Oh it’s red all right, but the skin isn’t pealing like a sunburn that has blistered. The Dr called it desquamation and gave me a prescription just in case. I really think they like to use the big words to scare people. It will act as if it’s still being radiated 2 weeks after I’m done so I could blister. I just always feel troubled when I leave her office. I feel like I should be really depressed, need all the support and help I can latch onto and be bed-ridden when I’m not getting radiation. I got a weird look from her today when I mentioned that I hope I can get back to work soon. She went into this speech about needing support groups and survivors especially now to talk to and looking after myself and taking things slowly and not expect to be able to get back to normal so fast.
I’m really sorry all you professional people. I don’t believe I’m fooling myself into thinking I’m ok. Don’t get me wrong here, I am a little apprehensive and a little scared but for me, getting my life back is all the support and therapy I need. Oh I know I’ll have my ‘down’ days but sitting around the house doing nothing is definitely not doing me any good. And it isn’t very therapeutic.