time

Saw the plastic surgeon today. I said that now that the numbness was gone, the implant is pinching, pulling, hurting. He smiled and nodded, said that will get better with time. It’s like he expected to hear that from me. The hard spots I feel are scar tissue and again, with time they’ll go away. I don’t have to see him again for 2 weeks. Unless I think something is wrong.
Time. That equals patience. I’m rather short on that right now. I never dreamed that being diagnosed with cancer would be so all encompassing and time consuming. I get so discouraged. I had mistakenly thought-hoped-this would take a month at the most. I was way off base and so very wrong. I expect progress to happen faster and life to get back to normal sooner. I still don’t see an end to all this and that bothers me more than anything. If someone could tell me that in 2 or 3 weeks I’d get ‘normal’ back I’d be much happier but that’s not going to happen. Every once in a while I wonder if I made the right decision by having a double mastectomy when I only had cancer on the one side and the reconstruction, was that the thing to do too? Couldn’t I have just had the ‘falsies’ instead? When I take a really good hard look at it all, this is the right decision for me, anything less and I would not be happy.
I wish I could look at this time as being a holiday but it so is not. This is no picnic or walk in the park. Even typing this makes everything pull and I know I’ll have to go rest on the couch for a bit. I guess I need to find a way to stop being so hard on myself. I did not plan this, nor did I ask for it, it’s just bad genes and I gotta learn to deal with it still.