I’m calmer today that I have been in weeks. Don’t get me wrong, almost every waking minute is consumed by thoughts of this cancer. Will I get sick from these meds? When? How bad? For how long? How long am I going to live? How long am I going to be ok? What is the end going to be like? But it’s not as overwhelming as it has been. I’m not feeling panicky.
I am hoping that I’ll be able to go to work on Monday. I need to. I need to get back to something I’m good at to overpower this feeling of helplessness that I have. I do feel like I’ve been away for months instead of just 3 weeks.