I decided to sleep in my bed last night instead of propped up in my normal place on the couch. Bad move. Woke up at 4am because of pain. Guess I overdid it yesterday with my hoo ra’s over the drains gone and no more cancer to take out. It’s made me grumpy so I’ll be sleeping on the couch again tonight. Had to go get groceries today and it was really hard to not say something mean and nasty to my mom just cause I wanted to lash out. I’m so tired of being in pain. Can’t wait for that first day when there isn’t any. The stoopid thing is my sister and niece went and got their nails done while mom and I, the 2 gimps had to get the groceries. Poor mom had to pack it all into the car cause I can’t lift anything yet. We made the fit and now nail funky people pack it all into the house. No shopping cart for them!
Month: September 2011
good stuff
Had all 3 drains removed today. I feel free. Yea! The results were back from the lymph nodes and the other mastectomy and they didn’t show any cancer. Double yea! Things are looking up. Now comes the treatments. She’s making appointments for bone and liver scans for me, then I go to an oncologist and find out what I’ll be doing chemo and radiation wise. I have to see her again next week and also see the plastic surgeon next week. He’s still got the other side of me to do. I gotta say, this implant and going bra-less stuff is kinda nice when it gets right down to it.
On a sour note-mom’s car was broken into last night. Nothing broken but they took her handicap parking permit and a couple of other things. Left the stuff worth money. Kids probably. It sucks tho, she came over here to help me and has to deal with that kind of crap.
maybe
Tomorrow maybe, hopefully, I get the drains out and will have a little more mobility. I figured out that the pain is coming from one of the drains. It runs from the top of my implant around and down my side where it comes out. I can feel it under the skin. Gross. When I move wrong it pulls.
I had coffee with a couple of co-workers tonight. It was nice to see them and talk and laugh about work. I miss work some days. I also filled them in a little more on what’s going on.
and so it goes
I’m in more pain today than yesterday. I think I overdid it. One step forward, 2 steps back, then 3 steps forward. Could also be wishful thinking, wishing I was better. Took mom to buy shoes today, she doesn’t know this place and needed a navigator. Stayed in the car because I don’t like going out in public with these drains but had to go sit in the mall cause it was too hot out. I just kept my head down and didn’t look at anyone. Tomorrow I’m going for coffee with a couple of co-workers. Even with all my self-consciousness I’m looking forward to it. I feel like I’ve been so removed from my life and this will bring me back a bit.
it’s hard
It’s hard to stay positive or sound positive when I’m a natural born pessimist. It’s hard to think positive when I’m in constant pain, and the only thing I see ahead is 2 more surgeries and chemo and radiation. It’s hard to think positive when I don’t see an end to all this that is sooner rather than later. The plastic surgeon said from expander to implant would be ‘quick’ but what does that mean exactly? 2 surgeries a month apart and another 2 months of recovery? Sometimes I wonder if my vanity and poor body image was worth all this. Sometimes I second guess it all, forgetting that what started it all wasn’t vanity but cancer. I have to remind myself of that. But then I look at my new boob and it makes me happy. And when there are 2 I’ll be happier still. And when all the surgeries and chemo and radiation and the like is all done and the cancer is gone I’ll be ecstatic. But right now, smack dab in the middle of it all, it’s hard to see the end. It’s hard to be positive.
tired
So today the pain level has dropped to about a 4 or 5. No painkillers since 3am but I am tired. The muscle across the top of my chest, below my collar bone is the one that hurts the most today. As well as the implant. Which by the way, is about the same size as my original. Oh well. Least they’ll be perky…LOL Where the lymph nodes were removed doesn’t hurt but the bandage is an annoyance.
I don’t know what happens next, after I see the surgeon on Friday. I’m hoping she takes the drains out. 3 are 3 too many and they get in the way, and can’t be hidden. I just want them gone.
home again
I am glad to be back at home but boy I couldnta made it these last couple of days without my mom and sister and pain killers. I thought I was an invalid last time. This time is far worse. I haven’t been able to do much of anything without their help. The pain is starting to lesson. My brain still isn’t working normally tho. Funny how pain does that to you.
omg
I can’t believe people get implants because they want them. I can’t remember ever feeling anything so painful. I feel like I’ve been hit in the chest with a baseball bat. I may not have gone this route if I’da known the pain it would cause.
When I woke up from surgery yesterday, I had 3 drains, the leg things for circulation and a catheter. I wasn’t able to get out of bed till yesterday. I did decide on the painkillers this time because the tylonol just wasn’t cutting it. As it is, the painkillers just take the edge off. I am sleeping off and on. Not a full night but don’t expect that for a while.
I will need 2 more surgeries. They did not put the expander in this time because that side hadn’t healed enough. OMG but the next surgeries better not be this painful. I see the surgeon again on Friday but she doesn’t think the results will be back from the lymph nodes she removed from my right side this time. I am exhausted most of the time, and just plain tired and in pain the rest, but hey, I’m getting rid of the cancer!
they didn’t tell me
I am in a world of hurt. They didn’t tell me that the implants would be so painful. What the surgeon said they did is rip the muscle off my chest and sew it back over the implant. After she did the mastectomy. This is about a 7 or 8 on the pain scale and I will be taking pain killers. And I’m staying at my sister’s for a couple of days because I literally cannot move my right side.Sharing a room this time sucked. I didn’t get any sleep between the little old lady with a broken hip who kept calling out in her sleep, and the little asian guy who would go into the bathroom, come out and go right back in about 6 or 7 times in a row. My bed was beside the bathroom. I am going back to sleep now.
Connie's Breast Cancer Journey 