I always thought I was unique and exceptional in some areas of my life. I hate fitting into a mold and trudging thru life like millions of other people. I like to think I’m just that much different. Apparently Cancer doesn’t think so. Cancer sees me like any other person it’s ambushed and taken over. And so I get frustrated because my timeline isn’t the same as the one Cancer has planned for me. I so wanted to be the exception to the rule, and be able to get back into working full time with little effort.
But that’s not the way this is going. I’m still getting so very tired every day. And I’m not sleeping very well at night, whether from the cancer treatment or the hot flashes I can’t say. Could be a combination of both. So I have a nap in the daytime. Sometimes I have 2 naps depending on how many times I’ve been awake in the middle of the night. Yesterday I thought I would take over and dictate what was going to happen. I didn’t have an afternoon nap, went to bed at my normal time, and was awake 4 times. Today I was more tired than if I’d had that nap. I was having a really hard time concentrating and finding words again.
And so I’m frustrated that Cancer is still running my life and won’t give it back yet. And I’ll work part time and have my afternoon naps until I don’t need to. And I’ll try and have patience with myself and try and not push myself too much. And let my body tell me when it’s ready to take over my life again. It’s a tall order for me. I want normal back so bad.