The volunteer called me tonight. It turns out the analytical side of me is gonna have to step aside for now while the emotional side of me deals with the fact that I had breast cancer and my life is forever different. The analytical side of me is not going to be very happy about it but she will be able to analyze everything after the emotional me has a run at it first.
There’s definitely ‘stuff’ I’m going to have to go through. Stuff I was hoping I could analyze away. To be fair to myself, this was all a very traumatic experience and me trying to make it small and tiny hasn’t worked so I’ll take the volunteer’s advice and deal with the emotions and they will lead me to where I’m supposed to go from here. This void or in between, feeling like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff about to fall off isn’t a bad place to be. It’s where I learn to say goodbye to who I was and learn to say hello to who I am now and who I’m going to be.