changes

This whole cancer treatment thing is doing a number on my body. I knew it would, but for some reason I didn’t think the changes would feel or in my eyes, look so drastic. The hair loss. When that happened I got a little afraid. Oh, I was warned I would lose it but it’s definitely a beacon for anyone to be able to point and say ‘cancer’. Which I wanted to avoid. The fatigue. I get tired so easily. I’m still tired and my legs are still sore from shopping yesterday. The wrinkles and bags under my eyes. My skin has dried out. Never in my life have I had dry skin, it’s always been oily. Now I’m using moisturizers and different cleansers. And the wrinkles and on my face have become more pronounced. I think I finally look my age, or older. I don’t like it. My taste buds. They have dulled. I don’t taste food the way I used to which sucks cause I love to cook but now there seems to be no point. There isn’t anything that stands out taste-wise anymore. Every thing I’ve read or been told says these things ‘eventually’ go back to normal after treatment is finished. So I’m hoping sometime next year I’ll have energy and my hair will grow back and food will taste fantastic again.
Some things that haven’t happened to me which I expected are the vomiting and weight gain. I’ve only gained about 5 or 10 lbs (yes pounds, I’m not a metric person) and I expected to gain more. I think these pounds are mainly from inactivity. Mind you, both surgery and chemo cause the inactivity.
So taking inventory and trying to find the good in all this, I think not vomiting and little weight gain are positive. As long as there’s stuff in the positive column I can keep stepping forward through this.