She told me lots of things. Because of the size of my tumor (it has grown) and the placement of it, regardless of the choice I make, partial or full mastectomy, it will require reconstructive surgery. They haven’t determined the type of cancer yet, but it’s one of the 2 common ones, whatever they are. I didn’t ask. She did indicate that I would be having chemo. And radiation. I won’t know those for sure until I see an oncologist. After we’d discussed my family history and I asked about getting both breast removed, she agreed that it may be the way to go.
What’s standing out for me isn’t that I have cancer, it’s that parts of me aren’t going to be mine anymore. It’s becoming more real in that way. Yes. I have cancer, but does it have to take away pieces of what makes me ME? And why does it have to be parts that are visible? I joke about getting new bigger, younger boobies but really, I wish I could keep mine. I’ve had them for umpteen years. I’ve become attached to them!
I don’t have any surgery dates yet, what I do have is a date with a plastic surgeon next Monday and almost right after, an appointment with the surgeon to give her my decision as to the choice I’ve made….I’m going to have a bilateral mastectomy. No sense having 2 different boobs, and realistically, it’s better in the long run to take away as much opportunity as possible for the cancer to grab ahold of me again.
Only thing is, I’m going to need 2 surgeries. One for the initial removal and one for the final reconstruction. They probably won’t do the full implant jobbie on the one boob that needs radiation, it tends to get in the way apparently.

I feel sick.