I’m tired today.  Tired of being afraid of everything to do with this from the pain to the unknown.  Tired from thoughts of cancer never leaving my brain.  Tired of worrying about everything from how long I’m going to be off work to how I’m going to look after this surgery takes away parts of me.  Tired of wondering if I’m going to be able to quit smoking.  Tired of fighting the ‘why me’s’ and the tears and the fears.  Tired of hoping I’m asking all the right questions and tired of the need to make sure everything is in place for this.  My surgery is 2 weeks away today and I’m just tired.