I had my oncology appointment today. Everything taken into consideration, the type of cancer, my age, the hereditary factor and that they couldn’t remove a big enough margin from around the tumor that makes them more comfortable without taking out muscle, I have a 40% chance of getting cancer again (a 60% cure rate). With chemotherapy, possibly radiation (I have to see an oncology radiologist to determine that. And yes lucky me, I get to see yet another specialist) and hormone therapy, I increase my chances to an 80% cure rate (20% chance of it coming back).

I start chemo on Tuesday.
The oncologist says I will lose some hair. I may lose it all. There’s no way of knowing for sure. I may or may not have other side effects, nausea, diarrhea, fatigue, sore joints, and or mouth sores to name most of them. The one thing I’m supposed to be really careful of is a fever. I’m to cry ‘wolf’ if I have one or suspect I might. I guess a fever is worse than the other side effects. The first treatment will last about 3 hours, the rest (4 in total) will last 2 to 3 hours. And they’ll be 3 weeks apart. And I’ve got drugs. Steroids and anti-nausea medication. Steroids taken twice a day, anti-nausea the day of each treatment. And more anti-nausea medication to be taken as needed if the first one doesn’t work.
And I really am dreading it all. I did not want the chemo. I really did not want to lose my hair even if it’s only ‘some’ of it. I don’t want to be nauseous or fatigued or have sore joints. I don’t want my body pumped full of chemicals. I don’t want to get all puffy and gain weight. And again I’m scared. But I do want the 80% cure rate and I do want my life back.

And I’m sorry sis. Sorry that you have to see all this up close and personal like this. And I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you going to all these appointments with me. I don’t know if I’d make it emotionally intact without you there, taking notes and asking questions for me. I don’t know which is worse, sitting where you are, wondering if you’ll get cancer or sitting where I am, right in the middle of it all. Both suck.