It’s hard not to feel depressed. It’s even harder to fight it enveloping me into a big black blanket. The thoughts that swirl through my head really take on a ‘poor me’ feel and I don’t like it. I had my nails done today. I get them done once a month, and they’re acrylic and flamboyant and I like them that way. It may be the last time I get them done for a while, they may need to be removed for chemo. Another thing taken away from me by cancer. But I’ll find out. And maybe the article I read is outdated. I went grocery shopping today and was trying to figure out what I’ll be able to make when I don’t have the use of my left arm, being left-handed. Soup? I can nuke that, but will I be able to open it? Salad? Maybe if I pre-cut all the fixins for it before the surgery. I’m not even sure what I’ll feel like eating. And why bother buying hairspray or shampoo? I may lose my hair. I know millions of women have gotten through this, including the females of my family. I know I’m going to get through this. But it’s really difficult fighting the negative thoughts that seem to fly right along with the cancer.
I wish I was there to give you a hug and assure you that you will get through this. As I read each of your blogs, I remember the feelings and you know I went through this one too…the days when I was mad at the world and beyond (i.e., Brian). All I can suggest is that you watch funny movies and keep busy.(Cook some of your favourite foods and freeze them in meal sized portions, clean house – the anger makes the cleaning easier, phone a friend or family – you know I am always here to talk, go for a walk. – to suggest a few.) I love you so much and wish I could do this for you!!
LikeLike
Today I’m actually glad I’m alone. I need to work thru this stuff. Love you!
LikeLike
Will have to check out your nails at work tomorrow – the designs you get are always fun. I had mine done in sparkling pink this week – made me think of you because it is much more adventurous than my usual white tips 🙂
I like your Mom’s advice to go see funny movies. If you aren’t offended by lots of foul language, go see Horrible Bosses. At one scene I laughed so hard I almost cried. If you do want to take a walk with someone or get together to talk I’m only a few blocks away *hugs*
LikeLike
Thanks Robin, I may take you up on that one day 🙂
LikeLike
Hi Connie
The waiting is especially bad. I got anxious waiting for my results. My doctor gave me a prescription for sleeping pills which really helped settle that knot in the bottom of my stomach. I never thought I had trouble sleeping but the pills really help me feel rested and able to be on top of the fight. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The stronger you feel physically the easier it is to be strong emotionally.
As for the surgery it is not that bad. I was back at work the day after the surgery. I stayed overnight in the hospital but was released the next day and came right home and spent a couple of hours at the store. Cut back on my hours as I would get tired but I opened and closed every day. I had no problem lifting my arm and could do most everything. The drain is no big deal. It is just a little bulb on the end of a tube that you empty a couple of times a day. It is as easy as dumping out old coffee.
It is all really scary but talking helps and releasing anxieties by writing about them is an awesome way of getting on top of them.
Love you
Bertha
LikeLike
I’m hoping I’ll be like you. 🙂 I would really like to recover quickly. I’m finding this whole blog thing to be pretty cathartic. Especially since I’ve never been able to keep up a daily journal for more than a week in my entire life.
LikeLike