So it’s been a week since my surgery.  I’m trying to assess my progress and feel like I’ve stopped.  Today the tendon(muscle?) that runs from my chest to my shoulder is a little swollen and sore.  I think it’s the way I’ve been holding my arm, having it sit on top of the bandage/staples that are in the way.  If it hasn’t gone down by tomorrow, I may go to the hospital.  The pain seems to be completely gone but in it’s place is this annoying feeling of healing, a coming out of numbness.

One week ago today they took away my left breast and whether I was ready for it or not, my life changed.  With more to come.  I am, once again, tired of waiting for the next step.  I just want to get it all over with and get my life back, spare parts and all.  I want to be comfortable and at ease, and minus staples in my body.  I don’t think I will ever feel normal again, but at least eventually, I will look normal.

I try to see this whole process as a badge of honor.  I’ve survived and as a survivor my badge is implants and I should not be ashamed of it.  But I’m a shy person.  I don’t like to stand out.  I’m the girl at the dance who stands against the wall, or the girl you see with her nose in a book, I’m not the one who gets to say they have breast cancer without a twinge of apprehension.  I have so much to learn about me and this new life.