I had to get out on my own, been feeling like a caged animal or a parolee with an electronic monitor on my ankle.  Needed groceries so I drove to the store and got really scared that ‘something’ would happen and I’d make a spectacle of myself in the store.  But I took my time and was careful and was only shaking a little bit when I got back to my car.  I wouldn’t want to drive on a busy highway but at least I know I can drive again.  Then I went to the casino.  Felt a little guilty about that, but I needed out and I can go there and forget everything for a while.  I didn’t make any money but I did win some self-esteem.  Talking to strangers seems to have given it to me.  Even got into a cancer conversation with one of the floor guys.  He had colon cancer in January and it went sideways.  Got infected.   We traded initial feelings of the diagnosis and other cancer tidbits.  And I feel better now.