Today I’ve been trying to figure out what bothers me the most about all this so I can break it apart and blow it away.  I can’t seem to find one thing to focus on.  There’s a lot of things. 
The way I look right now is huge.  I’m really self-conscious of it.  I’ve always lacked a bit of self-esteem, but was ok with what I had.  Now, not so much. 
Right after the surgery bothers me.  Oh, not the pain.  Pain I can handle, but the nausea.  I don’t want to throw up.  With both sides being worked on this time, how much movement will I have?  I don’t want to have to pee in a bedpan.  I need to retain some dignity and that wouldn’t do it. 
The healing.  Ya, that bothers me too.  I don’t like looking at the scar/scab but I have to.  And when will I be able to sleep on my side again?  Sleeping on my back is so not conducive to a good night’s sleep.  
Will the implants take?  Or will my body reject them?  Will I be able to quit smoking, at least for the duration to give them a better chance? 
Having to rely on people to look after me and do the simple things for me like feed Merlin bothers me.  Oh I know my family and friends don’t see it as a chore but I feel like I’m putting them out. 
The chemo bothers me.  Again with the nausea and the possibility of losing my hair.  Please don’t take my hair!  In my opinion, women shouldn’t be bald. 
And ya, I have cancer.  That bothers me.

So now what bothers me is I don’t know where to start with this list, it’s all so overwhelming some days.