I spent the day alone today.  The first, maybe 2nd, since I got out of the hospital.  I needed it.  I still have so much to process and it’s hard to do with someone here.  Now that I’m consentrating on recovery and not finding a way to feel no pain, I’m finding more things creep into my head about what’s going on.   Not only aobut the cancer, but my life and me in general.

Maybe this is what I needed to learn to really like myself for the sum of whatever parts are left.   I’ve never worn much make-up, or dressed up fancy, I prefer my jeans and would refer to myself as ‘down to earth’, but I think like a lot of people I’ve wished I were prettier in one way or another.  Having cancer and a masectomy kinda takes the wind outta that sail.   I have to learn to like me just as I am and lean on my other strengths to get me through this whole body image problem I’m having.

The scar, what isn’t still covered by a bandage, isn’t pretty and I guess it shouldn’t be at this point but I hope there comes a day when I can look in the mirror and not remember what it looks like at all.